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Racial Preferences on Social Media - The Good Men Project

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do you have a racial preference no00:02you’re the best kind of gay it’s00:05impulsive it’s fun glad this isn’t a00:07family program we’re gonna check out00:08some dick pics see the BIOS they like00:12likes only Latinos only Asians only it’s00:14like why only these are fucking fun I’m00:16a responder and I’m a pair of legs with00:18a head there is prejudice versus00:25preferences hey guys it’s your queer00:33agenda cheerleader a race Wanda and00:35you’re watching what the flip and today00:38we’re going to cover a racial00:39preferences and dating apps with these00:41two so my name is Alan I am black that’s00:44what I identify as but I’m actually00:45mixed with a whole bunch of different00:48races by identifying mostly as black and00:51I’m proud to say that I’m also proud to00:53say that I identify as a gay male as00:54well00:55my name is cannon Spackman and I’m a00:57white gay man in Los Angeles you know in01:01talking I’ve had people be like oh I01:02love black guys and things like that and01:05I’ve never really gone on to ask them01:07why in the back of my mind I’ve always01:10wanted to just because I think it’s kind01:11of like a weird thing to say just like I01:13love the specific kind of people I01:15remember a long time ago and regret01:17never first came out and I have a friend01:18who’s not white who’s on Grindr and he01:20was telling me about his experience and01:21how he felt really invisible and it was01:23very eye-opening because it was not my01:26experience like not to to gloat right01:28obviously I’d never really thought about01:29it before how people’s preferences or01:33whatever you want to call it affect how01:34people are treated and then kind of have01:36conversations with those people and then01:38have conversations on the flip side with01:40my white friends who think that it’s01:42just a preference so my take on racial01:46preferences and dating apps is I don’t01:47have any racial preferences I definitely01:49have a type I love thick eyebrows but01:52when it comes to other people I think I01:54have gotten some pushback when it when01:56they find out that I am black I love the01:58coat you can’t be black you don’t look02:00black I’m like I look very black but the02:02push back kind of says that they have a02:04preference that’s not black because02:06otherwise you just accept that I just02:08said I was black I’m used to it but it’s02:10very off02:11cuz you’re like where are you fighting02:13this so hard like I had a guy just like02:15like no you’re not black like stop02:16saying you’re black I’d like to take you02:18out and unlike you and you can only take02:21me out if I like to announce my02:23blackness I’m like this is a mess like02:25no I’m black and your block so have you02:29ever experienced racism on dating app02:30you clearly put your photo on the dating02:33app you’re a clearly african-american02:35like I am and then when you speak to02:37someone it solidify the moment of yes I02:39am a black male they completely cut you02:42off I don’t know if it’s racism I don’t02:44over that so why they wait they are02:45white yes are they let you know no02:48they’re not are they Asian no so it’s02:50only white men it’s only white man gasps02:52are there any red flags for you guys02:55where you know you think it’s about to02:56get Rachel I personally haven’t had02:59anybody come to me and say anything03:01racist like that I’ve just had people be03:04like you know I’m really into black guys03:05and not in the back of my mind is like03:07mm-hmm really why tell me why I just03:10think that’s kind of something really03:11weird to say it’s not like I go around03:12saying I love white people no it’s just03:16I think it’s just something it’s why why03:18why say that I’m like I love dogs03:21instead of cats yeah that’s a pressure03:23yes we love a color of dogs specifically03:27you’re kind of a dog races okay how03:30about you can tend to get racial stuff03:32going on sometimes I’ll say that03:34typically whenever I get a message from03:36someone who’s not white with something03:38of a context of oh you’re my type that’s03:41usually a red flag bit there or we’re03:42dating me because I’m white how does03:45that make you feel so if we’re being03:47totally honest it’s it’s it’s both03:49off-putting and flattering03:50simultaneously because like who doesn’t03:52like to eat you’re hot right everyone03:53likes that everybody likes attention but03:55at the same time it sucks being reduced03:58to just the color of your skin oh you04:01poor white person I know right for me I04:03will say that I’ve had the opposite04:05where I see somebody that I’m attracted04:06to you know let me try and message this04:08person but I just don’t04:09they don’t message me back and I’m not04:10necessarily saying that’s because of my04:12race but I think that has a lot to do04:14with it so04:15I mean that’s racist for one but it’s04:17also I mean it’s very hurtful you know04:19it makes us think like at least when I04:21was younger you know growing up like oh04:22maybe I’m not beautiful maybe I’m not04:24worthy enough you know to be talking to04:26these people I think it’s kind of wrong04:27it is wrong04:29white boys preferring you why do you04:30think that is I don’t know it’s a little04:32bit like a fetishization thing and it’s04:34like oh you’re Hispanic you must be04:36spicy and fun I’m like I’m just me I04:38don’t know do white people hate spicy04:40things when they’re eating them yeah04:42when they’re fucking them I guess no I04:43don’t know do you have a sect of guys do04:45you think is attracted to you04:46there is a very select group that’s more04:50attracted to me than anyone else what is04:52that group look like older white male04:54yes I already know that same group wants04:58me when do we stop calling it a05:02preference and start calling it05:04fetishism like what’s the breaking point05:06give it to me I assume maybe it becomes05:08a fetish when you’re not even looking to05:10really connect with that person for who05:12they are you’re just looking for what05:14they are yeah that makes sense but you05:16know since it’s dating apps like let’s05:18let’s talk about this some people are05:20just looking to get off and there’s05:21nothing wrong with that sex positivity05:23hey but is there something wrong with05:25the fact that they’re only looking for a05:27certain thing to get them off or should05:28they be sexually exploring as well since05:30we’re being so sex positive mm-hmm so05:32it’s a good question I think to go back05:34to the fetishes in question it has a lot05:35to do with dehumanizing people yeah that05:38line where you start to dehumanize a05:39person and they become a sex object for05:42you I think that is that is literally05:44the definition of fetishism is that05:46wrong or is that right to fetishize05:48someone based on their race I think the05:50question of consent comes into play05:51right like yeah everyone’s getting to05:53what’s happening yes cool do it right at05:56that moment where you’re deceiving05:57another person and they’re not05:58consenting to whatever behavior you’re06:00you’re propping up or you’re trying to06:01like slide under the rug I think you06:03have a morally dubious situation going06:06yeah yeah I actually agree agree yeah I06:09completely agree that was a really good06:10way to focus yeah because I’ve06:11absolutely been fetishized by a guy and06:13I did not give a shit06:16you look like Jason Momoa and you slide06:19in my BM and you’re like I like trans06:21girls I’m like I like you I’m not06:25looking for a fucking connection do you06:26experience any fetishes ISM I do I do06:28get those messages like BBC like isolate06:30this they straight asked me that like06:32you know BBC stands for big black cock I06:34mean I think everyone knows that I mean06:35what everyone knows that what we’re06:36saying it for the white people watching06:38or a heterosexual yes a big black cock06:40you know I mean I have my occasions06:42where you know I do like to show my cock06:44but I don’t think it’s big black I think06:46it’s like ABC you know like average06:48black cock Lucy’s honest shit you need06:51to find you an honest man okay what’s06:54your sign I’m a Taurus yeah can he cook06:57all right guys so we’re at the point in06:59the show where we exchange grinder07:02profiles and you get to look at them and07:04we get to judge all right let’s do hay07:07cannon first thing I see especially for07:10a selfie in a mirror is yay for a clean07:13mirror thank you yeah clean a room clean07:17a fucking room five nine he’s not lying07:20I don’t forty five pounds also not lying07:22white I am not lying07:24so Kenan what’s your experience been on07:26dating that’s generally pretty good I07:28feel like at least from what I’ve07:29learned Grindr is designed to cater to07:31people like me like I’m white says AB07:34male yeah I don’t eat carbs so generally07:39my experience has been pretty good07:41people are generally pretty nice to me07:42so overall no complaints that probably07:46sounds really shitty that just sounds07:48really white there you go very wise07:50about way all right so let’s check07:54Allen’s press07:55so initially really liking that he has a07:59vote sign in the background you’re08:01displaying something about you in your08:03profile that you are politically minded08:04that’s pretty cool because a lot of08:06profiles might include are very bad08:08everything like that so he’s into08:10education please be nice cool and keep08:12it real no pic equals no chat which I08:14hate that you have to say that on Grindr08:16but you are so right because I just08:18message you Hey and the nothing in the08:20profile no picture and the nothing yeah08:23fucking stop doing that yeah know who08:25you are08:27you want to know if we’re talking to now08:28on top of that they always have demands08:30they’re like you can host right I’m like08:37it’s like a ghost hitting on me who’s08:43haunting okay the other thing I want to08:46talk about is these emojis that is08:48cancer yes what are these flags so that08:51is France in Japan yes so and have my08:54nationalities up there and dating apps08:56is just I feel like I’ve come across so08:59many times not getting the opportunity09:01to talk or connect with somebody because09:03they just assume I’m one thing or09:05another so it’s just like you know so09:07you know because you’re black they09:08assume that maybe you’re dougie yeah09:10we’re like a homo or that’s what they09:13call them in Miami and so it’s kind of09:14like a good talking point to just people09:18who me like hey what did what do these09:19represent why are they on there okay09:21yeah like or someone’s like I’ve been to09:23Belize I recognize that flag I feel like09:24I recognize none of that it doesn’t09:26happen all the time but not something to09:28attend every time I get on there I get09:29at least one message just like BBC I’m09:31like all right come on do you have a09:32racial preference yeah Brown so like09:34some melanin in some in some capacity no09:37I’m from DC is summer I’m accustomed to09:39seeing like dark people and so that’s09:41just typical accustomed to seeing and09:42what and enjoying it and enjoy yep is09:47there a gray area with racial09:49preferences when someone doesn’t want to09:51date let’s say a black guy does not date09:54white guys you know is that okay or are09:58we splitting hairs here just because I10:00do like that I can say certain things to10:01black people that white people will not10:02understand I don’t know that’s it is10:05kind of a gray area I think everybody10:06should get something or somebody at10:08chance you know I agree I mean you can’t10:10say you don’t like something if you’ve10:12never experienced it before so we don’t10:14mean sexual preference we’re talking10:17about preferences10:22yeah I think it’s okay to like not be10:24attracted to somebody10:26I don’t wanna be not attract to somebody10:28because I’m black yeah you know that’s10:29the I think that’s where the problem is10:31how that she can because getting blown10:34up by the way10:35oh my so I think this is a really good10:38question I have a really good friend10:40who’s not white who almost exclusively10:42did it white guys for years and all of10:44his relationships ended horribly and now10:47he’s with someone who is his same race10:49and ethnic background and they’re10:51getting married next year right that so10:54I think there is definitely something to10:56be said about familiarity and10:58familiarity or you know when you come11:00from a very strong cultural background11:03like my third boyfriend was Chinese and11:06he was second generation Chinese so his11:09family was very traditional Chinese11:10there were a lot of cultural things11:12about trying to integrate with his11:13family that were pain points for our11:16relationship I think him going away from11:17that experience I would not think less11:20of him for wanting to date someone who’s11:22Chinese afterwards because of the issues11:24he had with me and the issues that his11:25family had with me right it really11:27depends I think what you brought up is a11:28really good point you should never cut11:30anyone off because of what the racial or11:32ethnic background is but I also don’t11:33think it’s necessarily bad to want to be11:36with people that are like you believing11:38that actually it’s funny because I11:40growing up I was mostly raised around11:43white people so that’s that’s what I was11:44familiar with that’s who I was mostly11:46attracted that to my fiance was was a11:47white man11:48of course growing I’ve never thought11:50black people were ugly or black men were11:51ugly but my eyes would always go to the11:53white guy so like and now I think it’s11:55just I blame the media but like now but11:57it’s like why now I was I thinking that11:59but that was because I was brought up to12:01like not think I was beautiful so I12:03wasn’t thinking they were beautiful is12:04that if that makes sense but now for me12:07like my view and it has completely12:08changed and it’s like it’s weird being a12:11black man and then not being attracted12:12to your own race at first and now that I12:14opened up to that I have had some of the12:16best dates you know with people of my12:19own race it’s a different level because12:21you can joke about certain things and12:23they get you on a on a different level12:24not cutting somebody off based on the12:26race is so important because you never12:28what you can experience even if it’s12:30your own race even if it’s yours12:32what are your takeaways from today what12:34do you think this conversation has been12:36realized that talking about things12:37sounds like wait maybe I do have racial12:40preferences I thought I’d let go of you12:42know what I mean so I thought it was I12:43thought it was great gross no now you’re12:46a gaping hole of growth she’s super open12:48y’all cannon um I mean I really like12:54just being a part of this conversation12:56because I think it’s so fuckin important12:58that we talk about these things right13:00because there’s so many people that in13:02our community that I was you that’s like13:04in art yeah usually it’s just swept13:07under the rug it’s just something that13:08goes on all the time at we for some13:11reason don’t talked about it and I mean13:12I think you know there’s a lot of13:13ignorance and they get a community like13:15it’s a process right you have to ask13:16questions you have to be willing to13:18listen to people that have a different13:19experience than you and I think a13:21question that was asked earlier that13:22really struck me was like what do you13:23identify as right and that’s a question13:26I never get asked right and that’s13:28something that struck me today because13:29it’s like I have the privilege of never13:31being asked to item right that’s like my13:33whole life right at the grocery store13:34excuse me like one of my eggs that’s13:43it’s it’s just important to be open to13:45having these conversations and having13:46these discussions and opening your mind13:49to learning about experiences that are13:50not you because even today I learned13:51something right I had a good experience13:53my takeaway is this conversation needs13:56to happen needs to happen in our13:57community and if you have13:59Latin Asian black friends they don’t14:02talk to you about race you don’t have14:03Latin Asian or black friends those are14:05people that you know14:07just keeping it real goddamn ha ha yeah14:11right babbling sorry I know honey that14:15to you it’s like if you have if you have14:17friends of color who don’t talk to you14:19about race issues you don’t have friends14:21of color you have people that you know14:23who talk about race issues without you14:25because that’s a regular thing for all14:27of us that’s what’s the flip guys this14:29is an aria Lanza please subscribe14:31comment like say nice things say mean14:35things I don’t care what you’re gonna do14:37jump through the screen anyway it’s been14:39lovely yeah thanks for coming on guy14:40yeah thank you for having us14:42alright I’ll see you later14:46[Music]—

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Hart Schaffner Marx to Outfit Chicago White Sox 2019-09-09 17:42:52White Sox players and executives will be outfitted in made-to-measure suiting as per the partnership.

Mahershala Ali Takes on the Topic of Masculinity 2019-09-06 14:35:08The Academy Award-winning actor is the face of the luxury brand's fall advertising campaign.

Rhone Seeks to Highlight Outstanding Men in New 2019-09-05 16:45:49The athletes will be featured on the company's Pursuit blog, as well as on its web site and social media posts.

Ermenegildo Zegna Group Takes a New Path 2019-09-04 16:00:38The Italian men's wear company is launching a new campaign that challenges traditional views of masculinity.

What to Watch: Tailored Brands Is Showing Signs 2019-08-29 03:00:15The men's retailer has a new management team led by Dinesh Lathi and Carrie Ask.

What to Watch: A Look Ahead 2019-08-29 02:00:59The fall season will be defined by a more-tailored aesthetic as well as leather and fun leopard prints.

What to Watch: Men’s Wear Online Sales Have 2019-08-29 02:00:37Online luxury retailers are adapting to stay relevant and keep up with their growing male audience.

Breaking Muscle

The Athlete's Friend, Eggs: Best Buying Practices New! 2019-09-20 15:29:42Fun fact in case you missed it—the only difference between brown and white eggs are that brown eggs come from chickens with brown feathers and w

Bulletproof Your Bum 2019-09-11 12:15:19Bum augmentation without surgery. What could be better than that? It’s a great time in the world, isn’t it? A time where we seem to apprec

Lack of Sleep Is Killing Your Body Composition 2019-09-10 12:40:14Most people aren’t aware of just how detrimental sleep deprivation can be on body composition. If you’ve been pursuing an aesthetic physiq

Young to Really Young: Beginning Olympic Weightlifting 2019-09-10 12:23:18A never ending debate in many sports, but especially in weightlifting, concerns when a young athlete should begin training in the discipline. A never-

The Relationship Between Training and Hypoglycemia 2019-09-09 11:27:46The effects low blood sugar can have on training is something both athletes and coaches need to be aware of. Three years ago, I had to undergo multipl

Flexible to Competitive Nutrition 2019-09-09 10:06:41Does it fit your macros? If it fits our macros.   It’s a common term that's being used as the catchphrase for the new wave of eating. Howe

Alternatives to the Big 3 Lifts 2019-09-08 17:47:26Train these movements regularly and you will gain strength, and avoid pain, especially if you’re new to training. You can’t go wrong with

Bulletproof Your Grip Strength 2019-09-05 19:42:18 Science says grip strength might even be more important than just for gaining serious pull-up prowess. Though your impetus to improve your grip stren

Were You Taught the Power Position Wrong? 2019-09-04 12:53:43If you practice these movements and internalize the feeling when you perform the lift at full speed, the body will open with a natural fluidity into t

A Daily 6 Exercise Circuit for Youth Development 2019-09-04 09:04:51We often overlook that cleaning up movement patterns and building a strong, safe foundation is the first priority of training. “A man is rich in

5 Common Rowing Mistakes 2019-08-20 22:24:53Though simple in theory, if you haven’t been taught the one skill (the rowing stroke) properly, it’s easy to butcher it and make all sorts

Add Tempo to Your Training to Optimize Performance 2019-08-19 19:58:56You can get more out of your strength training by understanding how to change the speed of your reps and using pauses, otherwise known as tempo traini

Men's Journal Latest Health

The Kettlebell Ski Swing Will Transform Your Core 2019-09-12 16:02:17Amp up the glute activation and shoulder stabilization—and even test grip strength—just by doubling the bells.

Vaping Is the Easiest Way to Smoke Weed—But 2019-09-09 14:58:53E-cigarette and cannabis oil vaporizers are putting people in hospitals. You’ve heard the harm of the tobacco variety—but cannabis vape pe

Absolutely Crush Your Fitness Goals with MyProtein’s 35% 2019-09-06 16:31:21We’re all looking for great deals on fitness, nutrition, and workout and supplements, and here’s one that’s way too good to pass up.

hims Is the Lifestyle and Wellness Brand We 2019-09-05 18:38:56As men age, our bodies change. And as our bodies change, we become susceptible to certain maladies. The battle against Father Time wages on, friends,

25 Easy Things You Can Do to Reduce 2019-09-05 15:59:08Chances are you’ve heard of a “carbon footprint” at some point in your life, but what exactly does the term mean? If you aren’

Do You Really Need Recovery Shoes? 2019-09-05 13:30:53After a road race, footwear with maxed-out cushioning and extra arch support feel great. Whether they get you back to walking like a normal person any

The 9 Supplements You Need When Going Keto 2019-09-03 16:05:00Are you trying the hottest nutrition and weight loss craze? The ketogenic diet is everywhere these days, particularly among athletes who want to slim

Can CBD Live Up to the Hype? 2019-09-03 15:30:53It’s pushed as a cure-all and is everywhere these days, but does CBD justify the attention? And what, exactly, is it? Here’s all you need

10 CrossFit Games Athletes Share Their Favorite WODs 2019-08-29 09:43:53The CrossFit Games are over, but with the CrossFit Open starting in October this year, now isn’t the time to dial back your conditioning, cardio

The 11 Best Water Bottles for Athletes to 2019-08-28 17:13:08Are you drinking enough water? Studies say 75 percent of Americans don’t. Not drinking enough causing headaches, weight gain, joint pain, high b

The 11 Best Products to Relieve Foot Pain 2019-08-28 15:29:44If you suffer from foot pain, you’re not alone. Millions of people are afflicted. But you don’t have to just take it! Taking a load off an

The 9 Best At-home DNA Kits You Can 2019-08-27 17:28:23At-home DNA testing is one of the hottest trends on the planet. Millions are doing it, and a ton of people are using online databases to find long-los

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